Pohmasöök kahele!

My mom had agreed to participate in the reality show called Dinner for Five. So on Sunday the camera crew arrived to film the whole show at her galleria. We were fully prepared, the cake was made and all the ingredients for the 25 different meals were shopped, besides strawberries. We could not find them anywhere, but there are always pears! I was prepared too, to cook all the meals for her and she was prepared to put the food on a plate and decorate it in front of camera... didnt happen. Because, the crew wanted HER to cook, everything in front of the camera. Bad news. She cant cook. Not from those ingredients. Not those promised meals. She freaked out, but a good friend Brandy calmed her down real fast (it was originally for her throat).

This whole project went bad veeeryyy fast! First, she burnt the chocolate that i melted already for her (the whole house smelled like a chocolate ash). Well, she decided to spill sprinkles on it and feed it to us later... But first, to call me downstairs so i can show my "washed-out-partied-away-nomakeup-hangover-as-a-bitch face" and a "bird nested hair" to the whole country! Then she had troubles with the pasta, according to her, the water didnt boil meaning the pasta had just soaked there for good 20 minutes. After she realized that she had turned on the wrong plate on the stove... she overcooked it after soaking it. On top of that she smashed it into a porridge (i told her to stir it, obviously she overdid that too). Well. THe pasta was multicolored so the whatever-food-it-could-be-called looked like 78 hangovered smurfs had thrown up their "leftovers" into that one pot. It really didnt look very appetising. I would not eat it even with my worst hangover. It was time to take a break from filming and offer my grandpas wine to the camera crew! THey were fascinated.. and very soon tipsy.

Making sushi was the best! By that time i already had a mic attached and was obliged to help my mom. I was trying so hard to hold my laughing. Im pretty sure my mom had been drinking that wine as well, because she forgot to use the rolling map, then she was rolling the map into the sushi, then she almost cut her fingers off, made the whole damn thing wet and with a smart face, told on the camera thats how its made... I had tears in my eyes, i couldnt tell her to stop ruining the whole thing, because i was laughing so hard, i mean seriously i had tears in my eyes it was so funny. We had to stop filming, because all 6 men holding the cameras and microphones were turning red because they couldnt hold it anymore.. we were just feeding off each other... My mom was in her own little world, still rolling the sushi! We needed a break, to open another bottle of wine. After that, nobody really cared about how the food will taste, as long as wine, brandy, and half a bottle of whiskei will be served..

THe salad was made of all sorts of weed and grass, and granpas wine. Gotta alcoholize everything!

The guests arrived. Since we werent quite sure how the "smurf pasta" is gonna taste, we got all the guests drunk at the very beginning, by offering a glass of champaigne for appetizer with few pears in chocolate which were really impossible to get off the plate. They got stuck on the plate. Then sushi with sake... and then my granpas wine. To be sure that their tastebuds would be 120% numb by the time to eat smurf pasta. That came with another bottle of wine. THere is no telling how many of them had dierrhia afterwards. By the time of desert, the producer were just wandering around dead drunk, the rest of the crew were finishing up the third or forth or who the hell knows which bottle, all the guests seemed happy and tipsy, and my mom was just shining, it seemed she no longer had no idea what was going on.

HAve fun watching :)
http://www.tv3.ee/online Õhtusöök viiele 2010 31. mai.

Champaigne ban..

I had the wierdest dream just an hour ago, I just wake up and have to share it:

So im at home, its 9.55 pm and im like, i want some champaigne!!! So i get on my bike, and try to paddle to the store as fast as i can, because the alcohol is sold until 10 pm. I open a bottle of beer (i dont even drink beer) to take with me on the way. Outside, i realize i cannot really cycle with the open bottle of beer in my hand. So i hide it in the bushes, there was already a bigass bottle of someone elses hidden rum. Then, i start paddling again, and there is a dog, wanting to bite the shit out of me! I start going very fast and point stuff to the dog so he would think there is food and would just go away to eat the imaginery sausage. It worked once, but then he came back, I was like fuck! Finally i even didnt care about the dog, because a bigass bee shows up, trying to land on my head and do some woodoo with my hair and bite my scalp, so there i am, on a bike, trying to get rid of the stinking bee. But nooo! The fucking bee invites all his friends and all of a sudden i find myself in a bee cloud! By that time i feel like the whole zoo is following me. Im like "my life is over". I dropped the bike, and.. run!!! I find a schoolbuilding so i ran in hoping to get away from the animals, but noooo, they all follow me.. im so scared im ready to shit my pants and i wake up! And im pissed! I didnt make it to the store in time to buy a damn bottle of champaigne! Damit!

31 hours of airport-airplane camping

Got to Dallas airport at 4am, Nick wasnt very thrilled to wake up at 3, but i did the same thrill few weeks ago when he flew to Orlando, so no more whining please. My flight to Chicago wasnt that bad after all, only 2 hours and i talked to the guy next to me who had been in the army for 30 years and now works on Saudi Arabia and US trading possibilities, or sth like that. Chicago-London flight wasnt bad, i slept through it, since i had 2 seats, the guy who was sitting next to me at first, just moved away before the take-off. It is possible i smelled bad, jk :) The plane sucked, i even didnt have my own tv, so sleeping was the next best thing i could do. In London i noticed that my phone didnt work, and my Estonian phone wasnt charged and the plugins are different from the sockets. And... the worst part about it was that i had forgotten to tell my brother to come pick me up from the airport, or actually tell anybody when am i gonna get back. So there i was, in London. At 11 oclock at night, with no phone, no British pounds, this was great! And to get Wifi i needed a credit card or something, but all my 192 credit cards had expired so fuck that. Finally i found an internet cafe, and a money exchange. I emailed my brother one sentence, come pick me up at 2 from the airporttomorrow!!! I doubt he will ever checks his email. Oh well, i feel like home in airports already so whats another day or 2 in Tallinn airport, at least they have free wifi and same sockets as my computer plug in, and i can take a shower on a restroom sink.

Time to get a midnight snack! I found a cafe which was opened. Bought a bottle of water and a tunasandwich. That thing has gone soo damn bad, i spit it all out! Thats exactly what i need, another food poisoning while flying. Shit, i might as well go to sleep. SO i tried to find a place to sleep, there was no reason to get a hotel, because i had only like 7 hours until my next flight. I was so scared someone is going to steel all my shit, so i put 2 of my bigass suitcases on the floor, and slept on them. This was so unconfortable.. And they were cleanig the airport with those hugeass machines, which made the worst sound, it sounded like a million elephants started an operachoir. Fuck my life...

Woke up at 4.30, Coffeee. Now. Seriouslyy.... NOW! went to search for coffee, STAARRRBUUCCKSS!!! I was so excited i almost felt life is worth living! I spend my early morning (i call it a midnight) drinking my coffee and reading New Yord Times, which i had left from Chicago. Oh that girl in starbucks didnt understand why i wanted whip cream on my coffee, and she asked me 3 times if i wanted whip-cream or a coffee cream. I was like, lady, i speak english, i know what a whip-cream is and it is delicious on hott coffee! Trust me. And then the guy who made my drink, assured if i wanted whip cream. Shit. YES! I want whip-cream on my coffee!! Damit!

London-HElsinki flight was ok, i drank 3 more cups of coffee on the plane and finished all the newspapers. In Helsinki i finally found free wifi and got to talk to Jaan on Skype and tell him to come pick me up, just in case my brother didnt get the email. 30 more minutes, and im home, well kind of...

TO be continued...

Weeks ago we wanted to do sth cultural...

So he other day me and Nick went to Fort-Worth, we planned to chill by the pool all day, but since the weatherman is a lunatic we were forced to ditch that fancy little plan and go do something else instead. So i insisted that we should go to Fort Worth to the art festival, or so it was called. I know how much he hates crowds and crap like that, he still agreed. He said that he wanted to go because i wanted to go... yeah right! Im not buying that shit... I knew that the MMA fights were on that night, so he was just being a little sneaky. Here is the real deal, he just wants me to watch the fights with him later and gonna pull out the art-festival card... Haah, not gonna happen, i aint gonna watch anything bloody on saturday night, forget it!

But lets just say, i hated the crowd as much as he did, people were just there for the food, fried food, fried everything. Thats how it seemed. So in 30 minutes we were done, first he wanted to go the cigar shop and then we found a nice rooftop bar. 2pm=MojitoTime!!!

He was smoking his damn cigar and poisoning the kids the next table. And me. I was people watching and overhearing peoples conversations because they were being very damn loud talking about yahoos. Nick said i was a bad peoplewatcher and i could never become a CSI agent. Pssst whatever. I just told him that he smells like beef and cheese...

Later I went out with Jamie, and he watched his damn fights.

Tipsy-sick by the pool!

The next morning didnt look any prettier, Nick picked me up because he wanted to take care of me... He didnt know what he was getting himself into... First of all i was looking like i barely made it through hell, and second... i was just a big pile of misery.

But he did good. He thinks like russian, wanted to treat me with alcohol. I was like hell no! Im not putting anything into my body until i know it could stay in for at least twice the time it took me to consume it.

The next day, we wanted to do something active, but as soon as we got my stuff, it was 29 degrees outside and we decided against anything but pool! Got some drinks, some music and went down to the pool. Yes, i did drink vodka coctail to a very empty stomach. (its hard to ignore a fully stocked bar he has at home for 2 days straight) I got sick-tipsy, felt funny, felt like i had been eating mushroom-vodka soup and a spacecake for a dessert! THings got veeeeryyyy funny! I was able to eat a little dinner which means maybe alcohol does cure everything. Sometimes i feel im native russian... who knows..

This is not a vitamin water, trust me! But it covers it up pretty good, doesnt it :D

CHEERS!

Soooo sick..

Thursday morning i got very nausiated and started to feel veeery funny. Im not gonna describe all the shit that happened to me that day, all i can say is that there was a lot of it. Dad was just like... Morning sickness. Thats what i needed to hear, because you know things happen. But no. I got it from mom, who had it for a week, it was probably some kind of stomach virus, bacteria or sth like that.

Or... maybe it was the martini, my mom told me what happened to her last time they had chocolate martinis... I dont know, but the bottom line is, i was sick. Over the lunch i went home to eat some Bebto Pismol, it is the pink-paint colored liquied that supposed to make you feel better when you have stomach problems. How something with so much fake color in it coule possible be good to your stomach?? It tasted like digested powder, ööölkkkk!

The same day we went out to eat for my moms birthday, my meal looked and tasted delicious, but my stomach didnt really stomach really didnt give a shit... It found its way out real fast! I was done with eating for a while now. But that promise didnt really affect how the virus treated me... Around 8 i got a fever, it got up to 38. I was feeling miserable... Everything was bad, and i got depressed and felt so sorry for myself, it just had been the shittiest week so far! It was just better to go to sleep. Thats what i did.

My new hobby

Tuesday night, migrane. Great day!

Wednesday Nick came to see me, we went to a lounge in parker square to people watch and drink. I had my first Chocoalte Martini.... It was sooo damn good.

There was a man and a woman at the bar, and they seemed like they had started off with a happy hour after work, going just as friends, or at least wanting others to see that. And then got drunk, together. Because the woman was all over the man, who just kept on buying her drinks... Psst, i bet he just wanted to get her drunk and she just wanted to bang-boom him! ANd i bet they were both married. So when we were sitting outside, drinking, we saw them coming out, the woman was all over the man, and they were making out in a parking lot, and the woman pulled the im-too-drunk-to-drive. So the man drove her home, in her car! I was like, what the hell, how does he get back to get his car? And Nick said, that in the morning. I was like okay, yes, probably so. I wanted to take pictures, get the licence plate number and stalk down their information and start blackmailing both of them. I mean its a great thing when you hobby actually pays off, right?

Carless doesnt mean "less"

Oh, did i mentioned, that i didnt have a car for a week..
Meaning i got to use my moms brand new Lexus convertible:

Wit wit wit wit wit with with with the top down
Seat back rolling in my LexiSack
Soft Control, knowing nothing wrong...

This thing is SWEEEEEEET!!!

Clearing up the ash shit vol2

So the tickets got taken care of. That filled up my whole day on Monday. I went to Nicks that night, because i had scheduled an appointment in US. Immigration Citizenshit to attain a satisfactiory departure, and it was in Irving where he lives. Of course i was running a little late and of course i got lost, by driving by those damn google map directions. I made it there, late. The lady told me that i needed to show my flight tickets back, which i hadnt with me. I told her i didnt have a printer, i mean how many tourists carry printers around, right? So i tried to pull it out on my iphone to show her my ticket confirmation, but her supervisor said they need a copy. I was like can i send it to you to an email address and you can print it out? She said they dont have email addresess. Great no phone numbers, no email addresses? Online retards... we live in 21st century! Well, so i email nick my tickets from my iphone and told him to print them out and meet me at starbucks, but since he had to hurry to work, i had to drive all they way to his meeting, which was in the middle of somewhere-i-had-no-clue-about. Finally made it back to that office, and they gave me a satisfactory departure, sounds very fancy, but it was just a handwritten notice on the back of my I-94 form (a little piece of paper they give you on the border that carries information about you). I was like, are you serious? No stamps or signatures or anything???? Really?? Well... next time i want to stay longer, i will just write it myself. OR if you will need it, i will write it for your I-94 too, i memorized it!
Well first off, i wrote to US Embassy to ask what should i do to extent my Visa Waiver program, they said there is no way you can legalize you overstay... i was like really? Thats not the same info i got from other agencies.. So I wrote them exactly what one should do when they cannot leave the country due to a shitty things, such as the volcano, and need to extend their visa vaiwer program... And that you CAN legalize your stay. It just pissed me off, they should know and they should spread that infoo... Dumbasses.

... i no longer have any comments for that day.

So here i am. Sitting by the pool. Drinkin. Drinking champaigne. Straight from the bottle. 3 oclock in the afternoon.Listening to "Kill yourself" by TImberland... Its the best suicide song ever! ...and trying to deal with all the shit that the damn volcano had caused me. I do not wish to fall into the details of all the fucking mess that #¤¤%"¤%#&¤" has caused me.

It all started last night when i checked my flight status for tonight from Dallas to London. It was cancelled. Ok, you would think how hard would it be to reschedule a flight right? Well, it is... especially when you 6 different tickets depending on that flight. Its hard to stop now... im gonna let it all out...

Since last night i was on the phone with American Airlines for an hour and a half, trying to find the next available flight to Europe, which is in a week, on 27th.
This is a great flight by the way!!!
I will leave at 5.25 in the morning, have a layover in Chicago, and get to London at 10.45 at night. There are no flights leaving London that late.. i will have to camp out at the airport for 9 good hours. Do airports have bars???

Got 2 flights down, now i needed to get a hold of SAS to get a refund for my other tickets... Easy right? THink again... SAS has no offices in US, everywhere else I called, Sweden, UK etc, were closed. Gotta work around it. I called Vayama where i purchased the tickets. And that was a pain. The first call, i was the 40th caller, i was on hold for 55 minutes and when i was first on line, the call dropped....... I was turning purple, but called again. This time waited for 80 minutes and when i was 3rd on line, the called dropped again. My brain was overheating, im pretty sure i was running a fever from anger. Called again, waited for 73 minutes until i started hearing mumbling on the other side of the line... I was like excuse me what was that again... and... again, something unidentified was being said. Then i realized... this is an Indian dude on the other side.. His accent was just soooo bad that all i really got to say was, Im sorry would you repeat what you just said? Finally we got past the confirmation number, so he put me on hold for 15 minutes. At the end of the conversation i heard the sentence refund, so i was like, Okay. BYE!

FInally the tickets are okay.. But, this whole mess was far from being over..
another shit was flying at me. Im on a visa Waiver program and i need to leave today because my 90 day period expires today, so i needed to contact the US Embassy in Estonia, and the Estonian Embassy in Washington, and the US. Citizenship and Immigration Office and Estonian Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I emailed them all my sad story. Then i called Washington for more information what i needed to do. They told me to call to New York. Ok, called there, they told me to contact USCIS (US. Citizenship and Immigration Services) ASAP (As soon as possible) and request a satisfactory departure whatever the hell that is. Okay... seems easy again? YEah right... So their website had one number, i called it, the automatic system told me all about the Hurricane in Haiti and other unuseful shit i really didnt look forward to seek. Then when i had been trying to get a hold of an actual person, and i failed twice i decided to drop it and find a local office. I did find the address, but no phone number. SO i called the number information and they transfered me to the Immigration Information of Hell. It took 4 more transfers until i got a hold of with a lady. That lady seriously gave me a deep desire to commit a suicide. She told me that im a shitty person for not leaving on time, and they dont care about the volcanos or the weather and this is the law and they dont give a shit. If i would have known where this lady was located at this moment... i would have gone to meet that Agent of Hell face to face and fill her with all the shit i have been gone through... i swear.. I mean, seriously lady, what do you expect me to say.. "Yes mam, thansk for the information, i will get my Swimsuit RIGHT NOW and start paddling across the ocean. Have a great day!"
Idiot! Well, as it came out she doesnt even work for that office i needed to reach or who needed to resolve this issue... I dont really understand why is this happening to me...

After talking to that lady i was rethinking the whole desire to talk to an actual person. But i had to do what i had to do.. So somehow I got the local office number, i called it, all they said was that if you are calling to this and that and that, you should call the international number. After doing that, i finally reached a person. She told me that i need to schedule an appointment with the Local Office of USCIS because they dont have a phone number and they do not accept walk-ins. Ok, so i went online, tried to schedule appointment. Easy? nahh... It asked me bunch of questions regarding to my problem, and finally told me that i didnt need an appointment, that i needed to find a solution from their webpage... At that point, i was looking for the nearest spade and buckle and a good pieceful spot of dirt where to dig my grave.

FInally i got the appointment by writing down all sorts of false information and lies the system would let me schedule an appointment. Its in Irving at 8.30 am. For some reason i have a feeling this will not go very smoothly. Shit.. i need to start drinking 7 am then.. otherwise i would let them know, in detail, how i really feel about the whole US. CItizenSHIT Services...

So here i am, after getting fucked over for 7 hours straight. With my best bud, a bottle of CHampaigne.

I need another one..

PS! And if i ever get a chance to talk to that damn volcano face to face...
All i can say, he will be dead silent for the next 25 decades.

Me and my friends took a little vacation....

Nah... actually...
IMMA IPHONER NOW!!@@@@@@
I have become one of those IRetarded people who get IHigh on surfing the internet in the toilet, watching Lady Gaga's last video in a bath, playing scrabble in a grocery store and instead of working... making these!!!!

Easter suicide..

So on Monday, after the Easter I decided to get Nick a chocolate rabbit as a late easter present. It was in a pink box and everything. I left it in my car and since it was soo hott on that day, it melted a little bit. So yesterday when i was over there again, the rabbit has dissappeared, so i asked him where it was.. I got that guilty face. Then i got the smirk. And then i got the story. He was like "i couldnt help it! That poor little guy seemed soo miserable. It looked me with his melted little eyes.. And screamed at me, all i got was that he wanted to get out of this place! So I opened the door and it was gone! It was hauling ass down the corridor right to the pool, I saw it! And jumped in! He said, Fuck Easter, im too old for this shit buddy!" Im like really? He was like, "Yes! Did you see that easter disaster? He was done with this shit! Go and look, his melted eyes are probably still floating in the pool!"
Thats the easter spirit... and the last chocolate bunny he ever sees in his life.

Question!!!

Does anybody even reads this blog?
Or is it my own little self-entertainment center here..
Leave your name in the comment section if you had ever read this blog! And I promise to send you a thank you note with a chocolate easter bunny!

Easter spirit

I did not paint any eggs.
I did not eat any eggs.
I didnt see the easter bunny.
Nick said he painted few eggs and threw them at people. I told him that this is not how it works. He is supposed throw the eggs at the easter bunny to knock him out, then steal the goodie basket, eat everything as fast as he can to destroy the evidence and get a sugar poisoning. Thats the spirit of easter!

I got my goodie basket without murdering any rabbits!
Thank you mommy for a peaceful easter!

PS! The card was very inspiring and shifted my thoughts towards great things!

Datenight

After the detoxification program Nick took me out to dinner in Hilton Anatole Hotel. The restaurant was called "Nana", it was on 27th floor with a breathtaking view to Dallas skyline. Loved it! The dishes we shared had the following ingredients: raw tuna, wasabi icecream, some kind of birds in butter, Kobe steak sliders, cheeses, almonds and olives in olive oil. Everything was delicious! Including the champaigne coctail to go with all the fancy food... Im not quite sure what they put into that coctail, but i was toasted when we finished the dinner.. and those heels i had on didnt really help! I cant really explain what happened, have i really lost all the alcohol tolerance i had before? Or was my body just so detoxified that the alcohol went straight to my head? I dont know... But regardless of my tipsyness, it was a great night!

This aint shit aint working...

These are my feet. Im in a process of detoxifying my body. The patches, those damn powder pockets under my feet are supposed to suck out all the shit i have in my body! Let me just say... the glue strip didnt stick very well, and besides that... the powder packets in the middlewere leaking. So instead of useing 2, i used 6. This is great! Now im just sitting here, tucktaped feet, in front of the dead tv (cannot figure out how to turn the tv on with the exbox still connected to it)trying not to move, DETOXIFYING myself. This shit aint working! Here is a powder path following me wherever i go. And let me tell you...when i took them off, my shoes were grey instead of white, my feet were sticky, nasty and dirty and my brain was double toxicated with anger hormones! My detoxified feet looked like they had been in civil war. So im gonna write to the manufacturer whoever made those damn patches and ask them to explain me why all this shit happened to me... and make them reimburse my ruined shoes, my now depressed feet and my toxicated brain. This is bullshit.... detoxifying patches...

Sunday....

I thought i was going to be happy everyone will be coming back and i dont have to be myself anymore. But that didnt happen. Every single family member who stepped into the house, made fun of me.. either in a very obvious or very silent way. Goofy smiles, comments about the arsenal in my room, genuine jokes about Indian zombies coming in the middle of the night etc. I was ready to drop the topic. I was done.
Later this night i had to go and deal with skeptisism which i part of my life now.

Saturday night.

HOME ALONE
Armed





Here are some pics from last night.. I think it does not require any comments.

I dont think i have never been so happy to wake up! I was excited, because it was warm and nice outside. I sat on the couch watching Desperate Housewives Orange County for like 3 hours. It was really bad, 5 old ladies with shitloads of money, no personality and tons of make-up and plastic surgeries written all over them. They were fighting and making drama out of everything. It was so a stupid show, but i needed something to watch until the load of sleeping pills would wear off. Around 1 i was finally up enough to ran to the store to get some whip cream for my coffee. It was warm inside so I decided to clean the pool, since i was being lazy and skip the gym today. It was full of shit, cheese covers (no idea), that damn cowboy confetti from Daltons bday party.. and those damn trees with endless amounts of seeds and leaves. There were still shit laying on the bottom, but i had no idea how to get that out.. so it stays. Until somebody else makes it dissappear. I laid outside for an hour and drank my coffee working on some stuff on the computer, then got my car washed in that self-cleaning place, where they have pink foam, I love it. SO my car is nice and shiny.

Waiting for it to get dark again, so i can piss my pants and go to bed..

When things can get really damn shitty....

... this post is dedicated to everybody who thinks my life is a paradise.. It is, but there are "those" things that just throw me off the board ... And this is definately one of them....

So it all started off on Thursday when my whole family left for the weekend, Lisa and mom flew to South Padre to go to the beach and Dalton and dad went on a lease which is like 2.5 hours away. And i was gonna go to Austin for the weekend with some of my friends... Well that whole thing fell through so i cancelled my hotel reservation in the last minute and decided not to go. It was just turning into a huge mess. Every little sign was telling to just blow it and go the next time with only Jamie and Alecia. So later, around 4 i picked Jamie up and she came over. I had the whole house only to myself, what a blessing... Thats what i was thinking then...

Soooo since i didnt get to go to Austin, i was thinking we can have our little party today! We started off drinking my Smirnoff Ices, those little bottles of happiness. We were sitting outside, smoking cigrarettes, drinking and talking. We see each other so often and we still have shit to talk about all the time. So an hour goes by, and we are done with the booze. Jamie was like, lets go to goodie goodie liquer (damit, i dont know how to spell it). We wanted to walk there (its safer) its like .3 miles away (people dont walk here, ever. Only for exrcise). But then again... we would have looked like 2 drunkies in the middle of the day, walking down the road with a paper bag full of alcohol. Jamie said she will drive. Jamie, age 26, was kicked out because she didnt have her ID with her.. hahaaa.. So i bought a whole bottle of Champaigne for myself and a sixpack of beer for Jamie. THen we went to the cigarette store to get some flavored cigarettes. I swear this guy was jerking off when we entered the store.. We got back home, and soon our coworker came by, to get the dogs, she was gonna take care of them. I was like, shoot, this i great! I tried to get my act together and act sober... we will hear on monday how great i did.. But she is like 50 i am 23, she doesnt have to understand me... Drinking on thursday... on the other hand thursday is a college night for gods sake, i just started a little earlier. This was akward, because she was asking a bunch of questions. I was gonna pretend i wasnt there and hide in my room, but i know Jamie, she is loud and can not shut up :D THe coworker left and we opened a bottle of champaigne! THe conversation got very intense and the time flew by faaast and suddenly it was 7 oclock and i remembered i had a dinner planned with Jeff, ROss and Alecia. So i txt-d Jeff to ask him to pick up the tipsy teen. I was toasted... It is soo funny to be toasted when the sun is still up. Its just doesnt feel right.

So JEff thought i was hilarious, i didnt think anything! So i tried to sober up a little bit at the dinner, and didnt drink anything but icetea, which really made me sick to my stomach! The dinner was good! Jeff drove me home, i was still lil tipsy and almost ready to go to bed.

As i entered the house, i felt so scared. THe house looked so creepy and was afraid somebody was in the house. I triplechecked every room, shut all the doors, the balcony doors Everything! TO calm down i watched a movie for a little bit and was ready to go to bed. I left some of the lights on, just in case. And closed all the blinds on the windos in kitchen. i even locked my bedroom door! I took a tylenor PM to go to sleep, because my heart was beating and i was just terrified! Im scared to be in that house by myself, because things DO happen around here!

So i go to bed, fall asleep... exactly 12.45 i wake up, because i hear knocking on the door, downstairs... Then a minute later i hear a knocking on the door on my bedroom door!!! Im almost crying im so scared. Then i wake up and listen for a moment, and there was nothing there. It was all in my head, because i was half asleep! When you are half asleep you start feeling and hearing things which are not real. Even though i knew it was not real, i was still sooo fucking scared i hold my breath and didnt even move for 30 minutes. I was burning up, my phone died. My escaping plans were running through my head! THe first plan was to jump down the balcony and run to our neighbours house, climb over the fence and pray that their door facing the yard is opened. But the problem was i was butt naked... THen i remembered i had paintball guns in my closet, so i figured i would go there, close it and get the guns ready and shoot the hell out of the person who enters the room... the bad news is that i think you need bullets and a gas tank to do that, and i wasnt sure if i had seen those in the closet... So i decided to just keep telling myself that the odds of someone wanting steel something and coming to the house today is pretty slim.. Then again, my dads truck wasnt in the driveway therefore people would assume there isnt a man in the house that night so they might take advantage of it... So i just keep telling myself, that even if the worst scenario happens, then.. I might just talk to the folks and tell them that we have cameras all over the house and he will never get away with it...

All those past news i have been reading about people coming into your hourse through the garage door, or just breaking in and shooting every living thing in there, families getting shot in the middle of the night and shit like that. News and scary movies are out of my life for a loooong time.

Nothing helped so i just thought that if i need to die this way, then there is nothing i can do to stop it. What happens happens, so I just there waiting for someone to come and shoot my brains out! I was still scared to move... i was covered in sweat and was thirsty as hell!

Around 1.45 finally had calmed down a bit to finally move and go to the drawer to take another Tylenol PM, i took it without water, cause in no way in the living hell i would have leave the room!!! I went back to bed and still my heart was beating so bad and i literally thought i was gonna die in fear! I thought i could get an adrenaline poisoning! It was that bad! I couldnt call anyone, i was scared to make a noise, plus my battery was almost dead and the charger was downstairs. I could txt anyone because who would read their txt-s in the middle of the night. It was absolutely beyond the most horrifying experience in my life!

I promised not to do anything bad EVER again, cause i felt i was being punished for something i had done. But i could not figure out what it could have been, because i dont think any living person (besides Hitler and other similar shitholes) could possibly to something soo horrible to deserve this! I am not exaggerating!

I just wanted to go back to sleep, so whatever happens, happens. And its so much better to die when you are asleep. But then again... things can really get shitty when you actually are asleep, or half asleep. In your dreams you can go through dying more than once, you can die in your dreams ten times and every single time you think its real. So i wasnt really sure what i wanted anymore, but the sleeping pill was in me, there was nothing i could have done about it now..

Around 3 i finally was able to go back to sleep.. i starting to have those wierd visions (In half sleep), im not even sure what they were.. like my real mom came to me, and i could feel (yes, i saw her and i felt her, it was the freakiest thing you will ever experience) her hugging me and holding me, but she didnt say anything.. Then i felt something else, but i dont remember what it was. I woke up this morning around 9.30 and i was soo happy that it was finally morning! In no way i will stay by myself in a house ever again! EVER!!! No matter what.. id rather get arrested and spend a night in jail than to go through that nightmare again..

Those who finished reading this entry and still think i am emotionally balanced person, congratulations, you are just probably as screwed up as i am.

I emotionally died 24 times this night!