Back to my partying schedule!

Ohhh parties! I missed you dearly! I had a long weekend, Friday - Monday. Monday was a Memorial Day! Its a day to remember all the troops in war, but basically its a big drinking and partying holiday, you even get a day off from work! What a great way to be remembered.. Some people say, that its what they want us to do... Probably, so lets get busy with it.

Saturday... all i remember from Saturday was that i was by Bryans pool, drinking champaigne, and daquiries, tanning, grilling and chilling, and playing volleyball all day, 2 days. On saturday, we were all sitting by the table by the pool, Bryan had just grilled shrimp for us. We were all kind of tipsy. Eating shrimp. And then this dude who usually hang out by the pool too started asking me questions about Estonia. He was like, so tell me this and this about Estonia, you know we are stupid we know anything about other countries, because we dont really care. So I give him some answers and then he asks why Europeans think americans are stupid. Im like reallly? You just said it yourself a minute ago.. because you dont know anything what is going around anywhere else! Thats the plain reason, and you just said it! He doesnt know what to say so he moves on to another topic, Obama!

What people think about Obama? So we end up with Obama and the health care system and thereeee we go! I have a lot of things to say about that, and Brian Quinter enters the conversation.. it gets pretty intense, Bryan next to me, who has been quiet the whole time (because the conversation is probably too serious for that level of drunkness), so he just grabs MY drink and takes off. I mean he is hauling ass to get the hell outta, the faster the better. It seemed that the Obama-talk burnt his ears. But the conversation went pointless really soon, so walked away.. damn it sobered me! Volleyball!! and a drink, to make up all the loss from the conversation...

 

Sunday.... repeat the drill from Saturday.

Monday.. Memorials Day poolparty.

Margaritas!

Burgers!

Pool!

Hot tub!

I was literally in the water for solid 7 hours, at least!

To all the Sex and the City II HATERS - Dedicated to Scotty!

Got back from my little trip on Thursday. BURNT! Hurting all over. Need a little vacation from partying and catch up with my gym schedule, took a little nap first, went to gym and then went to see Sex and the City II. Absolutely LOVED it! Even though it gets so many bad reviews. Here are couple of their arguments:

They say that it makes Americans look stupid, because they dont know shit about other cultures, well guess what.. They dont!!! Great example, americans keep throwing Estonians into their tv shows and movies, and all those Estonian characters are "russianized" meaning speaking russian, or english with clear russian accent. And on top of that bigass error, they use different russian symbols and music etc. They dont even bother doing a little research about what they use. I bet they dont even know its a country. I mean, really? Do you wanna look stupid as a producer or you really are that ignorant.. Besides, its not the first movie they make americans look stupid, there are more than i could name! For example, think about Borat. Riiiiight? Nobody had anything to say when this was released.

Then they dont like it, because its not real, its all about shoes and fashion.. and that it makes it look like American women are all about clothing and shit like that.. Here is a little something for you! All women, all over the world, ARE intereted in Fashion, and Shoes, and Clothing. End of the story. Its a global thing.
And.. The fact that they are wearing nice things and LOVE wearing them, doesnt make the movie to be all about that. There is a lot more to that movie, such as friendship and relationship issues, presented in a funny key. Its not a reality show, its not supposed to be. Plus, even the reality shows are not real, so stop bitching!

This movie is for SATC fans, who like it because of the unique characters and fashion and friendship issues and relationship drama it has in it. Who cares if some parts seems like a fairy tale, thats why people watch movies, to get away from reality! You faggots! I love it and if you dont, then go watch Shrek or Nemo! Or other bullshit like that!

Jamaican B-E-A-A-A-C-H

Alecia invited me to go to Galveston to the place called Jamaican Beach the following day. It was like 6 hour drive, I slept through it. We stopped in Houston to pick up Dave from the airport. So it was me, Alecia, Drew and Dave. In Houston we had an hour to kill, so we went to the shoe store.. Here is the sign from that shoe store`s restroom door.. we found it quite entertaining. (2 ply toiletpaper is very cheap and very shitty toiletpaper, you need at least a whole roll to wipe off nr 2).

We were staying in Alecias parents condo which was right at the beach! It had 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 balconies and living room, with the drinking table... and the white couch. The couch was for decoration, but who cares, since the drinking table is all set! It was spinning around!!! Here is my room and my bathroom:

So lets cut the crap, get to the real stuff!

Food: check. 

Sunscreen: check.

Bikinis: check.

Rum: Check.

Tequila: double check, check check.

So here is the story of Jamaican Beach, in Pictures:

The most imortant stuff to survive in the heat... Margarita! I would never thought i would say this.. You will find out later, why! 

Drinking Pina Coladas at the beach house.. at happy Hour! They were 50% off from 4-5 pm... guess how many i could drink in an hour???  I got too drunk to remember..

... and after the happy hour we went to do a photoshoot, in front of the beach club. I wanted to get naked for the photoshoot, but those horny male workers wouldnt leave! Finally a trashcan or sth like that set on fire so they had to leave to clear up that mess.. or sth. like i that. Dont really remember, they just had leave real fast. So i started taking my clothes off, but thats the closest i could get before they got back. Good enough, we went skinny dipping afterwards.

Well, this day we had to WALK to the beach, because the guys went deep sea fishing and took the car. It was a good 15 minute walk there, because we wanted to use the right track... otherwise you might bump into an alligator, and we werent in a mood to play with those, we were in a hurry to get the beachparty started. But on the way there we found a palm tree and decided to do a little photoshoot climbing it.. but we never made it past the thought. That rum in the morning coffee has nothing to do with it, plus, it was humid. And it was a morning and etc.. you know what i mean!

That is called the PowerHouse of the trip! You get tired or fatique or sunburn, you just go to the "powerhouse", take like 3 different bottles (the chances that at least one of it is MegaPowerful 40% proof, is very high), pour it in a cap, add some ice and get it into your system. Orally.

Dont try at home! Your Mama might get a little disturbed if the home pool consist half liqour half pee.. And especially when you have underaged kids swimming at the same pool... that shit is strong, it will absorb into your body through skin!

                                                                    

Dancing around the palm tree, with the palm tree, under the palm tree, you know what i mean... Closest thing we could find to a stripping pole.

I dont think it needs any comments on my behalf.. But feel free to add some yourself, if you think you know what was going on :)

OMG! These guys showed up like the first day we were at the beach. For the record, they were ass drunk and wanted to say hey and invite us shooting guns... Drew and Dave wanted to go golfing or fishing and they tried to ask them about those places, but no. THose guys were sooo determined to have a party at their house and then go shooting. The drunkiest one told us all kinds of shit he has done, with his shotgun.. Trust me, you dont want to know.Bunch of drunkies with guns?? Shit no! I might have been a little toasted but I manager to maintain a strong desire to live! But you gotta understand, its Texas, and Texans loooveee their guns... loaded!

Sitting in a hot-tub. Drinking. Did you know that drinking in a hot tub is very effective? You can get drunk twice as fast as without sitting in a hot-tub? And did you know that in a hot climate there are NO Hangovers?? Damn right..

This is our surfing board! We got the owners number on Craigs list. Alecia told me that the ladies who delivered it were lik 50, and it seemed like they had pulled an all-nighter with a bottle of whiskey. They looked rough, burnt, and still drunk. But great board! Really.. So we take it out, we are sooo excited! 

Until we notice that there is a huge crack in the middle... So we called the lady, she tells us to tape it.. i mean.. really? But then again, how much do we really know about surfboards.. So we go back to the beachhouse, ask for a tape and repair it.. it was entertaining, for us at least. We needed to take an hour break to recover from the manual labor in the heat.

THis is the point where i realized that there is no way my skin can take any more grilling. I was done! And another tip, before you start with the margarita, always make sure to use sunscreen, because later you will just forget or you think you did it, even if you really didnt. Our excuse is, that we just ran out.

Well, we wanted drink in the shade, because first, its a very bad idea to get drunk in the sun (explained above) and second, we were just so burnt. And didnt want any sun... Its just we didnt realize it was 9 pm at night and there is no sun.. And again, it has absolutely nothing to do with margaritas or earlier happy hour pina coladas.

My mom facebooked and reminded me that it is her and dads 20th anniversary.. and was kind of bothered of the fact that i was the one on the vacation, not them. So we took shots for them.. for every year they had been together! Thats bullshit of course, we didnt take 20 shots will kill you, even if its water. Cheers!

We were burnt. I personally had 3 coats of aloe gel on my skin to cool it down on that picture. I couldnt sleep, i couldnt sit.. it was bad!!! Its baaaad to be in the sun and run out of sunscreen! its baaad. Im telling you! Dont be by the water or in the salt water even worse, and have no sunscreen on and think you are tough enough to take it. You are not... or actually why dont you try it and come back and tell me how did it feel? If they will let you use the internet in a hospital, and if your fingers are not burnt enough to type me a comment here..

Thats how white we started off!

Thank you, come again! Eee... Tequilaaaa!!!

All the other pics are in facebook, at least the ones appropriate enough to post. I cant post them here, because this stupid thing takes forever, and i have no patience. I worked on that post for more than 3 hours, so im DONE! I have so much more to write about...

But here is the biggest 2 lessons i learned in Galveston..

First, im not as badass as i think i am. My skin is not rubber, it burns! Especially if you are in the salt water surfing (or.. trying to surf). The skin really doesnt care that usually SPF 4 will do the trick for the whole day, it most definately wont work in the water, salt water. And if you have a spray one, make sure you spray and then drink, not the other way around. Otherwise you might be spraying the sand, the towel, your friend or a stranger next to you, your purse or anything else close by... And things can get real bad..

The second lesson i learned is how to drink tequila without any further complications (read hellish hangovers, drunk accidents and other shit it usually causes). Let me tell you, the last and the first time i had tequila, was 5 years ago, on a crusise boat, when she turned 18. We wanted to try something new... so why not Tequila! We had the little packets of salt (luckily the boat had mcdonalds) and lemon (asked from the bartender) so why not to give it a try! So we took shots, until the bottle was empty.. and hoooly jesus.. Things really started happening... The worst karaoke you have ever heard (couldnt even identify the song), misdemeanors in the kids room, crawling around the boat with no shoes on, those little miscoordinations on the dancefloor and the things i dont really want to talk about. And then we decided to go back to the bar, and drink all sorts of coctails, like 4 per face, like there is no tomorrow.

... 4 hours later, when it was time to wake up and go home... it hurts to remember. I wish i was never born, it was reallly really bad. I wouldnt even call it a hangover, i would call it a serious medical condition, a very intense alcohol poisoning... The closest words to describe how i felt this morning would be, like trashed donkey in a desert, it was close to failing a suicide.. And from that moment on i swore not ever hate myself that much to go through that hell again. And I did, for 5 years, until This vacation.

I learned how to drink Tequila, 3 days straight without stopping, never feeling wasted or fatique or had a hangover. Please email me to get tips.

Cheers!

COMING UP.. Jamaican Beach, and 3 pool parties in a row...

My first walk-in closet

Ajeeeee, so Sunday, after a hangover sleep, dragged myself to gym, run 5km, did bunch of other crappy cardio and finally felt like a human being again! Then at home to clean out the closet so i can finally put my clothes somewhere! The closet looks badasss now! I have always wanted a bigass walk-in closet that can actually fit all my junk in it :)

Here it is:

And here are pics of my smaller closet:

Back in Dallas - Taking it easy... with a little Kinder Suprise in the morning :)

Estonia was rough.. partied my ass off. So i was thinking about taking it easy for couple of months now, and just chill by the pool, not party, discover the gym again, read books blah blah... Great thought! But heres a reality check... After a week i was back in the game!

On that Friday, i had dinner with Sonia and only one little bottle champaigne later by the pool by myself. On Saturday, started off quietly. I went to Jamies boyfriends leaving-for Afganistan party around 4. Everybody were soaked, adults included. I didnt drink because i had to drive to Dallas that night to go clubbing with Alecia. No-no to sober now :) Bring on the champaigne :D After a photoshoot in Alecias bedroom and all the champaigne later we took a taxi to the clubs.. First we went to M-street to see my friend Brandon who works there as a promoter and a host. It was empty, so we went to the one that had the longest line. Fortunately the bouncer guy at the door weeped at us and asked if we wanted use the VIP entrance to get in. Hell yeah! Straight to the dancefloor, or hell the whole thing is a dancefloor. We saw the guy who pretended to be a horse, and the girl riding and whipping the horse... i dont get it.. Is it a club or a zoo? we saw them last time too. I mean go and practise your fantasies at home.. or in a hotel if home is too far. Shoot! I need a drink..

After some "bumping and grinding" called dancing we left to another club, called, eeemmm.. who the hell remembers.. some kind of a good club with the music changing in every 2 minutes. I needed my own songs, i flirted with the DJ a bit and got my tunes going real fast, read Shakira and Rihanna etc, irw! The other bouncer guy got us a taxi and we went home. Jesus was i drunk! My head was spinning and everything... i could feel a major hangover laying its wings all over me. I didnt very much like this feeling at all... And i sure didnt like the feeling in the morning when i woke up...

The first thing in the morning.. i wanted to go to the bathroom which was next to the bedroom i was staying at. I walked in and there it was... Alecias husband BUTT-ASS-NAKED! I was like... eeem.... I was trying to remember his name, to apologize in person, for walking in for him. And he was just staring at me, we both didnt say a word.. My next thought was... Why is this happening to me.. and then he said: "Ohh.." and i said "Im sorry". and i walked in the bedroom again, hoping that i can hold for at least 10 minutes, so i can pretend to go back to bed, and whenever he is back in his room, i can go and sit buttassnaked on the bathroom myself... Worked well. So later when we all had woken up, i walked into the living room, Alecia says good morning Tii, im like good morning! Drew (her husband) goes... Good to see you again. We all started laughing :D Alecia asked if i wanted any doughnuts.. H to the L no, Hell no! All i want, need and have to have is WATER and some aspirin... and then a good night sleep. I drove home. No music in a car, just silence and my headache!

Pohmasöök kahele!

My mom had agreed to participate in the reality show called Dinner for Five. So on Sunday the camera crew arrived to film the whole show at her galleria. We were fully prepared, the cake was made and all the ingredients for the 25 different meals were shopped, besides strawberries. We could not find them anywhere, but there are always pears! I was prepared too, to cook all the meals for her and she was prepared to put the food on a plate and decorate it in front of camera... didnt happen. Because, the crew wanted HER to cook, everything in front of the camera. Bad news. She cant cook. Not from those ingredients. Not those promised meals. She freaked out, but a good friend Brandy calmed her down real fast (it was originally for her throat).

This whole project went bad veeeryyy fast! First, she burnt the chocolate that i melted already for her (the whole house smelled like a chocolate ash). Well, she decided to spill sprinkles on it and feed it to us later... But first, to call me downstairs so i can show my "washed-out-partied-away-nomakeup-hangover-as-a-bitch face" and a "bird nested hair" to the whole country! Then she had troubles with the pasta, according to her, the water didnt boil meaning the pasta had just soaked there for good 20 minutes. After she realized that she had turned on the wrong plate on the stove... she overcooked it after soaking it. On top of that she smashed it into a porridge (i told her to stir it, obviously she overdid that too). Well. THe pasta was multicolored so the whatever-food-it-could-be-called looked like 78 hangovered smurfs had thrown up their "leftovers" into that one pot. It really didnt look very appetising. I would not eat it even with my worst hangover. It was time to take a break from filming and offer my grandpas wine to the camera crew! THey were fascinated.. and very soon tipsy.

Making sushi was the best! By that time i already had a mic attached and was obliged to help my mom. I was trying so hard to hold my laughing. Im pretty sure my mom had been drinking that wine as well, because she forgot to use the rolling map, then she was rolling the map into the sushi, then she almost cut her fingers off, made the whole damn thing wet and with a smart face, told on the camera thats how its made... I had tears in my eyes, i couldnt tell her to stop ruining the whole thing, because i was laughing so hard, i mean seriously i had tears in my eyes it was so funny. We had to stop filming, because all 6 men holding the cameras and microphones were turning red because they couldnt hold it anymore.. we were just feeding off each other... My mom was in her own little world, still rolling the sushi! We needed a break, to open another bottle of wine. After that, nobody really cared about how the food will taste, as long as wine, brandy, and half a bottle of whiskei will be served..

THe salad was made of all sorts of weed and grass, and granpas wine. Gotta alcoholize everything!

The guests arrived. Since we werent quite sure how the "smurf pasta" is gonna taste, we got all the guests drunk at the very beginning, by offering a glass of champaigne for appetizer with few pears in chocolate which were really impossible to get off the plate. They got stuck on the plate. Then sushi with sake... and then my granpas wine. To be sure that their tastebuds would be 120% numb by the time to eat smurf pasta. That came with another bottle of wine. THere is no telling how many of them had dierrhia afterwards. By the time of desert, the producer were just wandering around dead drunk, the rest of the crew were finishing up the third or forth or who the hell knows which bottle, all the guests seemed happy and tipsy, and my mom was just shining, it seemed she no longer had no idea what was going on.

HAve fun watching :)
http://www.tv3.ee/online Õhtusöök viiele 2010 31. mai.

Champaigne ban..

I had the wierdest dream just an hour ago, I just wake up and have to share it:

So im at home, its 9.55 pm and im like, i want some champaigne!!! So i get on my bike, and try to paddle to the store as fast as i can, because the alcohol is sold until 10 pm. I open a bottle of beer (i dont even drink beer) to take with me on the way. Outside, i realize i cannot really cycle with the open bottle of beer in my hand. So i hide it in the bushes, there was already a bigass bottle of someone elses hidden rum. Then, i start paddling again, and there is a dog, wanting to bite the shit out of me! I start going very fast and point stuff to the dog so he would think there is food and would just go away to eat the imaginery sausage. It worked once, but then he came back, I was like fuck! Finally i even didnt care about the dog, because a bigass bee shows up, trying to land on my head and do some woodoo with my hair and bite my scalp, so there i am, on a bike, trying to get rid of the stinking bee. But nooo! The fucking bee invites all his friends and all of a sudden i find myself in a bee cloud! By that time i feel like the whole zoo is following me. Im like "my life is over". I dropped the bike, and.. run!!! I find a schoolbuilding so i ran in hoping to get away from the animals, but noooo, they all follow me.. im so scared im ready to shit my pants and i wake up! And im pissed! I didnt make it to the store in time to buy a damn bottle of champaigne! Damit!

31 hours of airport-airplane camping

Got to Dallas airport at 4am, Nick wasnt very thrilled to wake up at 3, but i did the same thrill few weeks ago when he flew to Orlando, so no more whining please. My flight to Chicago wasnt that bad after all, only 2 hours and i talked to the guy next to me who had been in the army for 30 years and now works on Saudi Arabia and US trading possibilities, or sth like that. Chicago-London flight wasnt bad, i slept through it, since i had 2 seats, the guy who was sitting next to me at first, just moved away before the take-off. It is possible i smelled bad, jk :) The plane sucked, i even didnt have my own tv, so sleeping was the next best thing i could do. In London i noticed that my phone didnt work, and my Estonian phone wasnt charged and the plugins are different from the sockets. And... the worst part about it was that i had forgotten to tell my brother to come pick me up from the airport, or actually tell anybody when am i gonna get back. So there i was, in London. At 11 oclock at night, with no phone, no British pounds, this was great! And to get Wifi i needed a credit card or something, but all my 192 credit cards had expired so fuck that. Finally i found an internet cafe, and a money exchange. I emailed my brother one sentence, come pick me up at 2 from the airporttomorrow!!! I doubt he will ever checks his email. Oh well, i feel like home in airports already so whats another day or 2 in Tallinn airport, at least they have free wifi and same sockets as my computer plug in, and i can take a shower on a restroom sink.

Time to get a midnight snack! I found a cafe which was opened. Bought a bottle of water and a tunasandwich. That thing has gone soo damn bad, i spit it all out! Thats exactly what i need, another food poisoning while flying. Shit, i might as well go to sleep. SO i tried to find a place to sleep, there was no reason to get a hotel, because i had only like 7 hours until my next flight. I was so scared someone is going to steel all my shit, so i put 2 of my bigass suitcases on the floor, and slept on them. This was so unconfortable.. And they were cleanig the airport with those hugeass machines, which made the worst sound, it sounded like a million elephants started an operachoir. Fuck my life...

Woke up at 4.30, Coffeee. Now. Seriouslyy.... NOW! went to search for coffee, STAARRRBUUCCKSS!!! I was so excited i almost felt life is worth living! I spend my early morning (i call it a midnight) drinking my coffee and reading New Yord Times, which i had left from Chicago. Oh that girl in starbucks didnt understand why i wanted whip cream on my coffee, and she asked me 3 times if i wanted whip-cream or a coffee cream. I was like, lady, i speak english, i know what a whip-cream is and it is delicious on hott coffee! Trust me. And then the guy who made my drink, assured if i wanted whip cream. Shit. YES! I want whip-cream on my coffee!! Damit!

London-HElsinki flight was ok, i drank 3 more cups of coffee on the plane and finished all the newspapers. In Helsinki i finally found free wifi and got to talk to Jaan on Skype and tell him to come pick me up, just in case my brother didnt get the email. 30 more minutes, and im home, well kind of...

TO be continued...

Weeks ago we wanted to do sth cultural...

So he other day me and Nick went to Fort-Worth, we planned to chill by the pool all day, but since the weatherman is a lunatic we were forced to ditch that fancy little plan and go do something else instead. So i insisted that we should go to Fort Worth to the art festival, or so it was called. I know how much he hates crowds and crap like that, he still agreed. He said that he wanted to go because i wanted to go... yeah right! Im not buying that shit... I knew that the MMA fights were on that night, so he was just being a little sneaky. Here is the real deal, he just wants me to watch the fights with him later and gonna pull out the art-festival card... Haah, not gonna happen, i aint gonna watch anything bloody on saturday night, forget it!

But lets just say, i hated the crowd as much as he did, people were just there for the food, fried food, fried everything. Thats how it seemed. So in 30 minutes we were done, first he wanted to go the cigar shop and then we found a nice rooftop bar. 2pm=MojitoTime!!!

He was smoking his damn cigar and poisoning the kids the next table. And me. I was people watching and overhearing peoples conversations because they were being very damn loud talking about yahoos. Nick said i was a bad peoplewatcher and i could never become a CSI agent. Pssst whatever. I just told him that he smells like beef and cheese...

Later I went out with Jamie, and he watched his damn fights.

Tipsy-sick by the pool!

The next morning didnt look any prettier, Nick picked me up because he wanted to take care of me... He didnt know what he was getting himself into... First of all i was looking like i barely made it through hell, and second... i was just a big pile of misery.

But he did good. He thinks like russian, wanted to treat me with alcohol. I was like hell no! Im not putting anything into my body until i know it could stay in for at least twice the time it took me to consume it.

The next day, we wanted to do something active, but as soon as we got my stuff, it was 29 degrees outside and we decided against anything but pool! Got some drinks, some music and went down to the pool. Yes, i did drink vodka coctail to a very empty stomach. (its hard to ignore a fully stocked bar he has at home for 2 days straight) I got sick-tipsy, felt funny, felt like i had been eating mushroom-vodka soup and a spacecake for a dessert! THings got veeeeryyyy funny! I was able to eat a little dinner which means maybe alcohol does cure everything. Sometimes i feel im native russian... who knows..

This is not a vitamin water, trust me! But it covers it up pretty good, doesnt it :D

CHEERS!

Soooo sick..

Thursday morning i got very nausiated and started to feel veeery funny. Im not gonna describe all the shit that happened to me that day, all i can say is that there was a lot of it. Dad was just like... Morning sickness. Thats what i needed to hear, because you know things happen. But no. I got it from mom, who had it for a week, it was probably some kind of stomach virus, bacteria or sth like that.

Or... maybe it was the martini, my mom told me what happened to her last time they had chocolate martinis... I dont know, but the bottom line is, i was sick. Over the lunch i went home to eat some Bebto Pismol, it is the pink-paint colored liquied that supposed to make you feel better when you have stomach problems. How something with so much fake color in it coule possible be good to your stomach?? It tasted like digested powder, ööölkkkk!

The same day we went out to eat for my moms birthday, my meal looked and tasted delicious, but my stomach didnt really stomach really didnt give a shit... It found its way out real fast! I was done with eating for a while now. But that promise didnt really affect how the virus treated me... Around 8 i got a fever, it got up to 38. I was feeling miserable... Everything was bad, and i got depressed and felt so sorry for myself, it just had been the shittiest week so far! It was just better to go to sleep. Thats what i did.

My new hobby

Tuesday night, migrane. Great day!

Wednesday Nick came to see me, we went to a lounge in parker square to people watch and drink. I had my first Chocoalte Martini.... It was sooo damn good.

There was a man and a woman at the bar, and they seemed like they had started off with a happy hour after work, going just as friends, or at least wanting others to see that. And then got drunk, together. Because the woman was all over the man, who just kept on buying her drinks... Psst, i bet he just wanted to get her drunk and she just wanted to bang-boom him! ANd i bet they were both married. So when we were sitting outside, drinking, we saw them coming out, the woman was all over the man, and they were making out in a parking lot, and the woman pulled the im-too-drunk-to-drive. So the man drove her home, in her car! I was like, what the hell, how does he get back to get his car? And Nick said, that in the morning. I was like okay, yes, probably so. I wanted to take pictures, get the licence plate number and stalk down their information and start blackmailing both of them. I mean its a great thing when you hobby actually pays off, right?

Carless doesnt mean "less"

Oh, did i mentioned, that i didnt have a car for a week..
Meaning i got to use my moms brand new Lexus convertible:

Wit wit wit wit wit with with with the top down
Seat back rolling in my LexiSack
Soft Control, knowing nothing wrong...

This thing is SWEEEEEEET!!!

Clearing up the ash shit vol2

So the tickets got taken care of. That filled up my whole day on Monday. I went to Nicks that night, because i had scheduled an appointment in US. Immigration Citizenshit to attain a satisfactiory departure, and it was in Irving where he lives. Of course i was running a little late and of course i got lost, by driving by those damn google map directions. I made it there, late. The lady told me that i needed to show my flight tickets back, which i hadnt with me. I told her i didnt have a printer, i mean how many tourists carry printers around, right? So i tried to pull it out on my iphone to show her my ticket confirmation, but her supervisor said they need a copy. I was like can i send it to you to an email address and you can print it out? She said they dont have email addresess. Great no phone numbers, no email addresses? Online retards... we live in 21st century! Well, so i email nick my tickets from my iphone and told him to print them out and meet me at starbucks, but since he had to hurry to work, i had to drive all they way to his meeting, which was in the middle of somewhere-i-had-no-clue-about. Finally made it back to that office, and they gave me a satisfactory departure, sounds very fancy, but it was just a handwritten notice on the back of my I-94 form (a little piece of paper they give you on the border that carries information about you). I was like, are you serious? No stamps or signatures or anything???? Really?? Well... next time i want to stay longer, i will just write it myself. OR if you will need it, i will write it for your I-94 too, i memorized it!
Well first off, i wrote to US Embassy to ask what should i do to extent my Visa Waiver program, they said there is no way you can legalize you overstay... i was like really? Thats not the same info i got from other agencies.. So I wrote them exactly what one should do when they cannot leave the country due to a shitty things, such as the volcano, and need to extend their visa vaiwer program... And that you CAN legalize your stay. It just pissed me off, they should know and they should spread that infoo... Dumbasses.

... i no longer have any comments for that day.

So here i am. Sitting by the pool. Drinkin. Drinking champaigne. Straight from the bottle. 3 oclock in the afternoon.Listening to "Kill yourself" by TImberland... Its the best suicide song ever! ...and trying to deal with all the shit that the damn volcano had caused me. I do not wish to fall into the details of all the fucking mess that #¤¤%"¤%#&¤" has caused me.

It all started last night when i checked my flight status for tonight from Dallas to London. It was cancelled. Ok, you would think how hard would it be to reschedule a flight right? Well, it is... especially when you 6 different tickets depending on that flight. Its hard to stop now... im gonna let it all out...

Since last night i was on the phone with American Airlines for an hour and a half, trying to find the next available flight to Europe, which is in a week, on 27th.
This is a great flight by the way!!!
I will leave at 5.25 in the morning, have a layover in Chicago, and get to London at 10.45 at night. There are no flights leaving London that late.. i will have to camp out at the airport for 9 good hours. Do airports have bars???

Got 2 flights down, now i needed to get a hold of SAS to get a refund for my other tickets... Easy right? THink again... SAS has no offices in US, everywhere else I called, Sweden, UK etc, were closed. Gotta work around it. I called Vayama where i purchased the tickets. And that was a pain. The first call, i was the 40th caller, i was on hold for 55 minutes and when i was first on line, the call dropped....... I was turning purple, but called again. This time waited for 80 minutes and when i was 3rd on line, the called dropped again. My brain was overheating, im pretty sure i was running a fever from anger. Called again, waited for 73 minutes until i started hearing mumbling on the other side of the line... I was like excuse me what was that again... and... again, something unidentified was being said. Then i realized... this is an Indian dude on the other side.. His accent was just soooo bad that all i really got to say was, Im sorry would you repeat what you just said? Finally we got past the confirmation number, so he put me on hold for 15 minutes. At the end of the conversation i heard the sentence refund, so i was like, Okay. BYE!

FInally the tickets are okay.. But, this whole mess was far from being over..
another shit was flying at me. Im on a visa Waiver program and i need to leave today because my 90 day period expires today, so i needed to contact the US Embassy in Estonia, and the Estonian Embassy in Washington, and the US. Citizenship and Immigration Office and Estonian Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I emailed them all my sad story. Then i called Washington for more information what i needed to do. They told me to call to New York. Ok, called there, they told me to contact USCIS (US. Citizenship and Immigration Services) ASAP (As soon as possible) and request a satisfactory departure whatever the hell that is. Okay... seems easy again? YEah right... So their website had one number, i called it, the automatic system told me all about the Hurricane in Haiti and other unuseful shit i really didnt look forward to seek. Then when i had been trying to get a hold of an actual person, and i failed twice i decided to drop it and find a local office. I did find the address, but no phone number. SO i called the number information and they transfered me to the Immigration Information of Hell. It took 4 more transfers until i got a hold of with a lady. That lady seriously gave me a deep desire to commit a suicide. She told me that im a shitty person for not leaving on time, and they dont care about the volcanos or the weather and this is the law and they dont give a shit. If i would have known where this lady was located at this moment... i would have gone to meet that Agent of Hell face to face and fill her with all the shit i have been gone through... i swear.. I mean, seriously lady, what do you expect me to say.. "Yes mam, thansk for the information, i will get my Swimsuit RIGHT NOW and start paddling across the ocean. Have a great day!"
Idiot! Well, as it came out she doesnt even work for that office i needed to reach or who needed to resolve this issue... I dont really understand why is this happening to me...

After talking to that lady i was rethinking the whole desire to talk to an actual person. But i had to do what i had to do.. So somehow I got the local office number, i called it, all they said was that if you are calling to this and that and that, you should call the international number. After doing that, i finally reached a person. She told me that i need to schedule an appointment with the Local Office of USCIS because they dont have a phone number and they do not accept walk-ins. Ok, so i went online, tried to schedule appointment. Easy? nahh... It asked me bunch of questions regarding to my problem, and finally told me that i didnt need an appointment, that i needed to find a solution from their webpage... At that point, i was looking for the nearest spade and buckle and a good pieceful spot of dirt where to dig my grave.

FInally i got the appointment by writing down all sorts of false information and lies the system would let me schedule an appointment. Its in Irving at 8.30 am. For some reason i have a feeling this will not go very smoothly. Shit.. i need to start drinking 7 am then.. otherwise i would let them know, in detail, how i really feel about the whole US. CItizenSHIT Services...

So here i am, after getting fucked over for 7 hours straight. With my best bud, a bottle of CHampaigne.

I need another one..

PS! And if i ever get a chance to talk to that damn volcano face to face...
All i can say, he will be dead silent for the next 25 decades.

Me and my friends took a little vacation....

Nah... actually...
IMMA IPHONER NOW!!@@@@@@
I have become one of those IRetarded people who get IHigh on surfing the internet in the toilet, watching Lady Gaga's last video in a bath, playing scrabble in a grocery store and instead of working... making these!!!!