Sunday....

I thought i was going to be happy everyone will be coming back and i dont have to be myself anymore. But that didnt happen. Every single family member who stepped into the house, made fun of me.. either in a very obvious or very silent way. Goofy smiles, comments about the arsenal in my room, genuine jokes about Indian zombies coming in the middle of the night etc. I was ready to drop the topic. I was done.
Later this night i had to go and deal with skeptisism which i part of my life now.

Saturday night.

HOME ALONE
Armed





Here are some pics from last night.. I think it does not require any comments.

I dont think i have never been so happy to wake up! I was excited, because it was warm and nice outside. I sat on the couch watching Desperate Housewives Orange County for like 3 hours. It was really bad, 5 old ladies with shitloads of money, no personality and tons of make-up and plastic surgeries written all over them. They were fighting and making drama out of everything. It was so a stupid show, but i needed something to watch until the load of sleeping pills would wear off. Around 1 i was finally up enough to ran to the store to get some whip cream for my coffee. It was warm inside so I decided to clean the pool, since i was being lazy and skip the gym today. It was full of shit, cheese covers (no idea), that damn cowboy confetti from Daltons bday party.. and those damn trees with endless amounts of seeds and leaves. There were still shit laying on the bottom, but i had no idea how to get that out.. so it stays. Until somebody else makes it dissappear. I laid outside for an hour and drank my coffee working on some stuff on the computer, then got my car washed in that self-cleaning place, where they have pink foam, I love it. SO my car is nice and shiny.

Waiting for it to get dark again, so i can piss my pants and go to bed..

When things can get really damn shitty....

... this post is dedicated to everybody who thinks my life is a paradise.. It is, but there are "those" things that just throw me off the board ... And this is definately one of them....

So it all started off on Thursday when my whole family left for the weekend, Lisa and mom flew to South Padre to go to the beach and Dalton and dad went on a lease which is like 2.5 hours away. And i was gonna go to Austin for the weekend with some of my friends... Well that whole thing fell through so i cancelled my hotel reservation in the last minute and decided not to go. It was just turning into a huge mess. Every little sign was telling to just blow it and go the next time with only Jamie and Alecia. So later, around 4 i picked Jamie up and she came over. I had the whole house only to myself, what a blessing... Thats what i was thinking then...

Soooo since i didnt get to go to Austin, i was thinking we can have our little party today! We started off drinking my Smirnoff Ices, those little bottles of happiness. We were sitting outside, smoking cigrarettes, drinking and talking. We see each other so often and we still have shit to talk about all the time. So an hour goes by, and we are done with the booze. Jamie was like, lets go to goodie goodie liquer (damit, i dont know how to spell it). We wanted to walk there (its safer) its like .3 miles away (people dont walk here, ever. Only for exrcise). But then again... we would have looked like 2 drunkies in the middle of the day, walking down the road with a paper bag full of alcohol. Jamie said she will drive. Jamie, age 26, was kicked out because she didnt have her ID with her.. hahaaa.. So i bought a whole bottle of Champaigne for myself and a sixpack of beer for Jamie. THen we went to the cigarette store to get some flavored cigarettes. I swear this guy was jerking off when we entered the store.. We got back home, and soon our coworker came by, to get the dogs, she was gonna take care of them. I was like, shoot, this i great! I tried to get my act together and act sober... we will hear on monday how great i did.. But she is like 50 i am 23, she doesnt have to understand me... Drinking on thursday... on the other hand thursday is a college night for gods sake, i just started a little earlier. This was akward, because she was asking a bunch of questions. I was gonna pretend i wasnt there and hide in my room, but i know Jamie, she is loud and can not shut up :D THe coworker left and we opened a bottle of champaigne! THe conversation got very intense and the time flew by faaast and suddenly it was 7 oclock and i remembered i had a dinner planned with Jeff, ROss and Alecia. So i txt-d Jeff to ask him to pick up the tipsy teen. I was toasted... It is soo funny to be toasted when the sun is still up. Its just doesnt feel right.

So JEff thought i was hilarious, i didnt think anything! So i tried to sober up a little bit at the dinner, and didnt drink anything but icetea, which really made me sick to my stomach! The dinner was good! Jeff drove me home, i was still lil tipsy and almost ready to go to bed.

As i entered the house, i felt so scared. THe house looked so creepy and was afraid somebody was in the house. I triplechecked every room, shut all the doors, the balcony doors Everything! TO calm down i watched a movie for a little bit and was ready to go to bed. I left some of the lights on, just in case. And closed all the blinds on the windos in kitchen. i even locked my bedroom door! I took a tylenor PM to go to sleep, because my heart was beating and i was just terrified! Im scared to be in that house by myself, because things DO happen around here!

So i go to bed, fall asleep... exactly 12.45 i wake up, because i hear knocking on the door, downstairs... Then a minute later i hear a knocking on the door on my bedroom door!!! Im almost crying im so scared. Then i wake up and listen for a moment, and there was nothing there. It was all in my head, because i was half asleep! When you are half asleep you start feeling and hearing things which are not real. Even though i knew it was not real, i was still sooo fucking scared i hold my breath and didnt even move for 30 minutes. I was burning up, my phone died. My escaping plans were running through my head! THe first plan was to jump down the balcony and run to our neighbours house, climb over the fence and pray that their door facing the yard is opened. But the problem was i was butt naked... THen i remembered i had paintball guns in my closet, so i figured i would go there, close it and get the guns ready and shoot the hell out of the person who enters the room... the bad news is that i think you need bullets and a gas tank to do that, and i wasnt sure if i had seen those in the closet... So i decided to just keep telling myself that the odds of someone wanting steel something and coming to the house today is pretty slim.. Then again, my dads truck wasnt in the driveway therefore people would assume there isnt a man in the house that night so they might take advantage of it... So i just keep telling myself, that even if the worst scenario happens, then.. I might just talk to the folks and tell them that we have cameras all over the house and he will never get away with it...

All those past news i have been reading about people coming into your hourse through the garage door, or just breaking in and shooting every living thing in there, families getting shot in the middle of the night and shit like that. News and scary movies are out of my life for a loooong time.

Nothing helped so i just thought that if i need to die this way, then there is nothing i can do to stop it. What happens happens, so I just there waiting for someone to come and shoot my brains out! I was still scared to move... i was covered in sweat and was thirsty as hell!

Around 1.45 finally had calmed down a bit to finally move and go to the drawer to take another Tylenol PM, i took it without water, cause in no way in the living hell i would have leave the room!!! I went back to bed and still my heart was beating so bad and i literally thought i was gonna die in fear! I thought i could get an adrenaline poisoning! It was that bad! I couldnt call anyone, i was scared to make a noise, plus my battery was almost dead and the charger was downstairs. I could txt anyone because who would read their txt-s in the middle of the night. It was absolutely beyond the most horrifying experience in my life!

I promised not to do anything bad EVER again, cause i felt i was being punished for something i had done. But i could not figure out what it could have been, because i dont think any living person (besides Hitler and other similar shitholes) could possibly to something soo horrible to deserve this! I am not exaggerating!

I just wanted to go back to sleep, so whatever happens, happens. And its so much better to die when you are asleep. But then again... things can really get shitty when you actually are asleep, or half asleep. In your dreams you can go through dying more than once, you can die in your dreams ten times and every single time you think its real. So i wasnt really sure what i wanted anymore, but the sleeping pill was in me, there was nothing i could have done about it now..

Around 3 i finally was able to go back to sleep.. i starting to have those wierd visions (In half sleep), im not even sure what they were.. like my real mom came to me, and i could feel (yes, i saw her and i felt her, it was the freakiest thing you will ever experience) her hugging me and holding me, but she didnt say anything.. Then i felt something else, but i dont remember what it was. I woke up this morning around 9.30 and i was soo happy that it was finally morning! In no way i will stay by myself in a house ever again! EVER!!! No matter what.. id rather get arrested and spend a night in jail than to go through that nightmare again..

Those who finished reading this entry and still think i am emotionally balanced person, congratulations, you are just probably as screwed up as i am.

I emotionally died 24 times this night!

... going to the Carribeans!

... i just remembered what i did on sunday night! I went to Starbucks to keep working on those conditions. And then Jeff txt-ed me to let me know he needs to be entertained, so he showed up there. He doesnt have a job (raking the yard, weeding and other manual labor he does fot his parents doesnt count) so he is bored as hell so we decided that we are gonna go to carribeans for like a month. One problem, no funding. The insurance probably wont cover the healing costs of a mental crises in a tropical island... So we needed other ideas. We walked to the Thumb Thumb to get some scratch-offs (they are lotteries). They only accept cash so i needed to buy something in order to get cash back. Got a mushroom soup, so Jeff could make fun of me one more time for having all sorts of canned food in my car (he thinks im stocking up for a disaster). Well my momma told me that he can laugh all he wants, when the disaster does happen, he will be crawling to me begging to have some of my soup and sip of my prune juice. i got 3 he got 2 scratch off-s. So filled with hope we went back to SB and spent the next 15 minutes scratching, excessively! I teared my tickets into million pieces, because i bought the wrong tickets, the ones that didnt win. Im gonna sue the machine that gave me those. Im sure you can do it over here, its america, you can sue evertything. Jeff won 4 dollars, which meant we went back there to claim his prize and get 2 more. Went back to SB, used my gold credit card (which is no longer valid) for better luck... we were soo eager that we scratched half of the paper off the ticket! We really needed a vacation in Carribeans! But he only won 4 more lousy dollars...
But it was a great entertainment for a whole hour..

The drunk weekend

.. consisted of:
Lunch at Chillis- around 1 me and mom went to lunch. She asked me if i wanted a margarita.. i was like is that even a question? Hell yeah... so these 2, me and her, got tipsy real fast... off half a glass of margarita... We were giggling like teenagrs and all of a sudden everything seemed so funny and pretty! Im not really sure what they put into those drinks.. Is mushroom extract legal in the sates? Well, after that we went to the party city for a while and then straight to home... to take a nap. When i woke up i needed some hangover coffe to go shopping for 3 hours. It was very constructive this time, all of the things i bought i actually needed!

Tequilas bar - with old friends and couple of drinks. Will post pictures later :)

Party at Chris's apartement - got there pretty late, but the good thing was that everyone were already tipsy and in a party mood! Crhis made me do the rum shots again.. i was like really? I wanted to make him drink one too, but he whispered to me that he is soooo drunk already so mercy. No more. I promise, only one! Well, dont really want to get into the "other" details what all happened in the party. Who was there, knows. Who wasnt... better be there the next time! Trust me, its worth it! I ended up having a long conversation with Chris and his collage buddy Max about our very personal life while other folks were sleeping on the floor or playing guitar and singing. I left around 3. It was great seeing everyone in a looong time, i had a wonderful time with you guys.

Starbucks - Jamie txt-ed me at 9 am in the morning telling me how bored she was and she needed to do something right then! I regretted sleeping with my phone once again. The stupid vibration woke me up and i txt-d her to come over hoping that she might take a shower and get ready which gives me another hour of sleep. But no... she txt-d: "im there in 5 min, i look like crap". Great, dragged my ass downstairs hoping an elves had made coffee. Umm, didnt happen. Maybe the elves drank it all. Jamie got there in yes, 10 min. And she was hyper as hell! So he talked to my dad for like an hour so i could take my time to get ready. I was still soo sleepy and had a really hard time figuring out how to put my sweatshirt on. Then to Starbucks, we sat outside in the sun for 2 hours, talking about guys and things they do. It was very entertaining.

Rockwall - i drove to Irving and Nick took me to Rockwall by the lake. Its like 20 minutes from Dallas, its a beautiful place! It has all the outdoor bars and restaurants outside and the lighting house and everything. Well Nick promised me birds too, but i didnt see any, i was veery dissappointed :). Not really, i dont really care about the damn birds. We sat outside right by the lake for a martini and scotch. Scotch is nasty by the way. Then we went to the movies (the theatre was right there by the bars) to see the Crazies. The crazies was... ridiculous, not the best movie ever made, but since there was nobody else to see that movie we had plenty other things to do! Hahaaa, well that was a joke. I wouldnt share private details with ya'll on blogspot. The movie was allright actually! A lot of blood and other nasty shit flying around. After the movies i really wanted to go into that lighthouse they had over there, but Nick explained me that nobody really can go in there. I gave up fighting. We did see 2 birds though, they wanted to make it past the crosswalk but everytime they were half a way those damn kids showed up and scared them back into the water. Poor birds, they are discriminated by everybody. The Hilton was right there so we got a coctail and scotch (still nasty) and went to sit by the pool at Hiltons. Did a little tipsy talking (well, i did), he was just smoking his cigar. Back at his place i decided to do a little tipsy cooking, i made seafood pasta, with scallops and shrimp, no ketchup of cottage cheese. Im not really sure how the hell i managed to pull that off without burning, breaking, crashing anything. He said its the best damn pasta he ever tried, so eating it for the rest of the week wouldnt seem a problem... and he will be eating it for the rest of the week, since i made 8 portions more than what was needed. 2 more glasses of champaigne later and we were done. Drinking all day really wears you out fast.. its a hard job..

Sunday - i laid out in the sun by the pool, dragged my hugeass cup off coffee and all the papers for putting together the terms and conditions for my brothers website. I jumped into the pool, twice. The water was sooo damn cold, but since then i didnt need coffee anymore, that was pretty awakening! I got daaaarrkkk! Dont even remember what happened later that day... Well, overall, i had an awsome weekend!

Ouch.. my neck is killing me because...

I took a dance class on Tuesday and It was quite interesting...
We started off with stretching.. legs, arms, everything. In the middle of the leg stretch when we were all in a very wierd positions this black girl asks me loudly: "Hey! Who are you?" I didnt know who she was talking to... she goes again, Hey, who are you? I sticked my head in between my legs (dont ask, its hard to explain the position i was in) to see who that was. She smiled, i said my name is Tii? The other girl goes... like coffe and tea?? I was like, oh lord, here we go again. So i told them the whole story of about my name and we went through the whole drill about them trying to say my name and finally settling with Tii, then trying locate where im from, and understand why im there etc! And then one of them asked me if i went to Marcus High Shcool, i was like yeah, for one year when i was an exchange student. Im glad we didnt have to do the Encino man drill. Then Jim, the owner of the dance studio came in and gave us the dance lesson. He is funny, i love him! He was like, ok well lets start with the usual, and people lined up in pairs of two and walked sexy into the music across the dance floor. I was totally confused, i didnt know what the hell i was supposed to do. I looked like a fucking rabbit on steroids trying to get over to the other side of the floor as fast and non-sexy as i could. I mean i really didnt know how they were doing it, like kind of jumping, or walking or hell.. seriously i had no idea what i was doing. And 0f course Jim noticed my rabbit moves and told me not to jump and do it on my toes. After a couple of times i think i looked a little better, probably could compare me with the limping rabbit. But nobody laughed at me, at least i didnt see them doing it in front of me (I bet they were rolling on the ground in tears talking about me trying sexy-walk)... hahaaa :D We moved on to the small routines and combinations. Those were a little better, he told us to be sexy and touch ourselves... I wasnt sure if i was in the right class. It felt like i was training for American next super strippar". It wasnt like people were masturbating on the floor, it was more like being sexy when dancing. (But still, touching myself???) im not very sure about that... maybe its an american thing, not quite sure.. But at the end i got it, i was the last one to do the routine, by myself, Jim said, that was goooood!

At the end of the routine we had to through our heads back... fast! And 2-3 times of doing it pretty much injured me for life.. my neck is so sore and hurts like hell ever since.

Im definately going back next Tuesday!

Idiot in a dress

So wednesday night i was driving back from Nick's and my gas level was 0, it literally said i have 0 miles left to drive. But since Dalton told me it goes a good 30 miles, i though i will be fine. I mean, i was going to look for a gas station in Irving, but since it was late i was scared that i was gonna get shot (i read too many news). So i decided to take the risk and put Dalton knowledge about our cars on test. Besides, it wasnt more than maybe 16 miles. I got home good and went to bed. In the morning on the way to work i remembered i still had no gas and decided in the last moment to go to the gas station. Like 200 meters before the gas station my car went to the neutral and showed it was gonna stop, my gas pedal didnt function anymore, and my steering wheel got hard. I rolled into the gas station and managed to park somehow. In front of the construction workers. I went in the gas station and told them i had a little incident and needed a gas jug. They showed me a 1 gallon jug that cost 12.99! Oh hell no! I bough a huge water jug for 1.99, poured out the water and filled it with gas. Then walked 30 meters to my car, and tried to pour it in. Didnt quite work. actually didnt work at all. I needed a filter, appearantly i didnt find any laying around in my car, but i did find a little water bottle. I poked a whole in it with my hairclip and teared off the bottom. (no cuts or anything!). Somehow i managed to get all the gas into my car, holding the filter with one hand and pouring it in with another. The construction workers were entertained, i looked like a stoned Paris Hilton trying to handle the rough life. I drove 30 meters to the tank, got some more gas and drove to work, pretending nothing happened and praying nobody could smell the gasoline on my hands...

But i mean, the whole thing wasnt really my fault
I just didnt know Dalton doesnt know the most important thing about his car :D
That was a joke, of course! I take a full responsibility of driving on empty!

Monday

TOday is Monday, i guess it is women day in Estonia, the day when all male creatures are supposed to pamper girls. Well, shit happens, no women day over here. No flowers, teddy bears or anything. This is wrong. So wrong.. Oh, anybody wants to ask me about what else is wrong? Well last womens day (you are supposed to get flowers and other crap like that) i got a lollipop... no i got 2 lollipops... for women day. I wasnt sure if i should laugh or cry. Ladies, im sure we all remember that :) I wasnt the only one pissed..

Besides it is a shitty shitty crappyass day! I had 3 cups of coffee this morning and im still not quite sure if the wooden thing in front of me is a desk or my bed. Besides that, its nasty outside, the weather sucks ass, its raining. And i was wearing flip-flops at work, my friend advised me to tie plastic bags around my feet, how about you wear a gigantic trash bag over your suit.

This monday has been great so far!

Now im home, no desire to go to the gym so im not going to. BEcause its raining.

The dogs are like 5 feet from mom and they are just stare at her. It is hilarious. Mom said she is their master, she is almighty to them. I need someone almighty to me to stare at, then i would have an excuse not to do anything for the next 5 hours, until i go to bed. Or i just might go to bed right now and tell everyone im celebrating the womens day.

Ok, me and Lisa are gonna watch a movie now. Something not funny, because im too exhausted to laugh. Or maybe we are just gonna turn the off tv and stare at the screen. Requires less brain activity and facial movement...

PS! Does anyone know how to train a poodle to look for a remote and bring it to you?

...

I cant get that stupid smile off my face!

A funny story my momma told me at work today...

So im at work, just typing stuff and mom tells me that story about my brother Dalton and his wacked up friends. So in summer, they were over one of his buddies house. One of them could make himself fart.. and they really wanted to try if fart really catches on fire. So the talented friend is laying on his back in his bed, with his legs up and boxers pulled down, trying hard to get the air out you know... and the other guy is sitting beside the bed holding the lighter close to the talented ones ass. And finally the greatly missed wind comes... The guy holding the lighter is ready to light it up but all of a sudden something flew out of there and hit his finger! He dropped the lighter and started screaming (i would have given up my coffee for a month to see that face)! So they all are trying to search what it was until they did... and the guy who got "shot" screams... its a poo! Its a poo!!! He got shot with a poobullet which was coming out in a very natural way. Just to let you know. Things happen, just be prepared next time.

A very "challanging" Tuesday..

First of all, it started of with a nightmare... I had killed someone (it might have been you, but i dont remember) and was trying to hide and I was just running from everybody and the police and FBI and all those other crazy folks were looking for me, chasing me down with guns (and shit, i didnt even have any on me, i wonder how that happened). So i woke up at 4 am in the morning because i could just hear my heart beating, it was racing like 90 miles an hour when i opened my eyes! I was terrified and relieved at the same time. I tried to stay up for at least 5 minutes, because otherwise i would have jumped right into that and the next scene would have probably included way too much blood and other intestines all over the place, all mine, shot into million pieces. Do not read the previous sentence if you are not a big fan of scary movies. Well, and if you did, then dont do it again, learn from your mistakes. Well anyways, i think it might have been from the scary movie i watched last night.. or at least tried to watch. Haa. So no sleep.. Going to work, everything just pissed me off, one of those days you know. So i had to drive to Rowlett and the to Dallas. First i needed to get gas, because i had 0 miles left (it showed 0 like 10 miles ago, but i called my brother and he said it goes a good 3o miles more.. I didnt want to try it). At the gas station it didnt accept my Estonian Card so i went outside so i had to go inside to prepay, go back outside and accidentally hit the wrong button, so I tank in a good 10 gallons of the most expensive gasoline out there. Well on top of that, the GPS... this little evil thing fucked me over, it changed the destination for me, twice. I ended up in places i definately shouldnt have been at... Then I notice that my phone dies, i mean i was in the middle of texting, but that little black boop witg rhimestones just died. I went to ATT with Jeff to see how the whole iphone deal works, and apperantly i cannot transfer my 60 dollars i have left on my prepaid account towards my first monthly payment for the iphone minutes and other crap i need. I get back home, im forced to use my other phone, that never has any service. This is just great! And on top of everything, i finally make it to the dance class i have been wanting to go for a month... just to find out that they had cancelled the class. Really? Anything else? YES! I burned my fingers with an hour later, with hot tea, twice.
This has been a great day.
Cheers...


Damn, i need a drink!

Waffle House

So me and Jeff went to Blackfinn like couple of weeks ago, on saturday. We were sitting at the bar, drinking and talking, he just got back from New Zealand. Blackfinn got pretty crowded, it took me a lot of time and effort to get to the restrooms. But it was quite entertaining at the same time... Apperantly they had like a bachelorette party, so those girls had gotten way too trashed, i saw them dancing up against everything and everybody. It was quite a view, because they hardly even had their skirts (if you could call it that) on, it was like a drunk striptease-lapdance kind of performance they were acting out there. But anyways, we left there around 1 when i had left Jeff by himself outside and this couple attached him with hospitality and shitload of personal stories. Haa, so we were ready to go. But since I was feeling still kind of tipsy Jeff took me to Waffle House which was an quite a place. I mean, Jeff, i do understand that you used to love this place when you got your special midnight munchies at college and that was the only place opened that time of the night... But i just needed some coffee. But it was a very interesting dinner experience. This place looked like it had been there since ancient Indians were kicked out of the country! They cooked food on real fire, but it looked like the stove had just caught on fire and they were just taking advantage of it. And the other instruments they used... looked like hunting equipment. One of the servers, i think she was a manager, was wearing like 30 different pins, one them said "nibble me", the other one said "Play me" and stuff like that. But you know, it is, what it is. I got a fatass glass of icecold milk and Jeff got hot chocolate. Well.. no. I will not describe the cups they served it in. We were sitting there for like 30 minutes, because it was just soo entertaining! I mean could you imagine what kind of people show up in this place? The very drunk ones, and the very stoned ones with munchies and special gravings for i-dont-know-and-i-dont-care-where-it-comes-from food. It was Jeffs turn.. to use the bathroom, he refused to describe it to me. Im glad he didnt. If I had a camera, i would have gotten a new episode for "70s Show". It was a good ending to a saturday night out! Definately something new!
But the people who worked there were really nice and polite who worked really hard, i feel so bad for them, because they have to work in that ancient no hygiene stoners-diner.